Children sleeping in the bedroom

Children sleeping in the bedroom

Whether you choose to co-sleep or if there is a change occurring and your child is experiencing disturbed sleep, you have to consider how this will impact your sex life. My kids are like elastic bands, always coming in and out of my bed depending on what’s going on with their development. As a result, I’ve realised that the bedroom doesn’t have to be our only option for intimacy.

Now, I routinely have sex with my partner on the sofa while my daughter is sound asleep in my bed. I dress strategically so that if we’re interrupted, I can quickly cover up. For example, wearing a smock or baggy PJs is perfect for getting covered up in a hurry. I also use a wooden doorstop so it’s harder to open the door. I use the dog as an excuse, usually saying he had wind and I was keeping him out!

Of course, all places are potential destinations for intimacy, and there’s absolutely no harm in enjoying a moment together while doing the washing up if the kids are in another room playing on the Switch. I always ask clients, “What does intimacy look like for you?” and there’s usually more focus on the connection than the location. Understanding your own wants and needs alongside those of your partner means you can create intimacy anywhere.

We all look at our children’s development as phases—the terrible twos, the treacherous threes, the ferocious fours. Our intimate lives can work similarly, especially when kids are sleeping in our bedrooms. It’s a phase that will pass with time, and we shouldn’t put so much pressure on ourselves to get back to the way things were before. Instead, focus on intimacy now you are in this phase.

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