Exploring Trust, Pleasure & Emotional Safety in Modern Intimacy
There’s something profound about rescuing an animal. I’ve taken in countless cats—often scared, discarded, or mistreated—and over time, I watch them slowly soften. They learn they’re safe, and they begin to trust me. But recently, I had a realisation: while they start to trust me, do I ever fully trust them in return?
There’s always a small part of me that holds back—anticipating a scratch or bite, just in case. It made me ask: how can I expect complete trust from another being if I’m not offering it in return?
This question started with my cats, but the deeper truth echoed in my human relationships too—romantic, platonic, and even sexual.
Emotional Safety & Sexual Wellness: They’re Connected
In intimate relationships, trust isn’t just a vague feeling—it’s the foundation that allows us to be fully seen and heard. It’s also what creates the safety we need to explore pleasure, desire, and our own bodies without shame.
If we don’t feel emotionally protected by our partners—whether physically, psychologically, or energetically—how can we fully reveal ourselves? How can we express our deepest pleasures or ask for what we really want in the bedroom?
So many of us carry societal shame about our sexuality—especially women and queer folks. And yet, we’re somehow expected to surrender in sex while still protecting ourselves emotionally. That duality doesn’t work. It creates a block—something that holds us back from full-bodied, confident intimacy.
Bad Energy Is a Red Flag—And Now I Listen to It
Not long ago, I found myself in conversation with a man whose energy was… off. My guard was up immediately. I scanned for what he wanted from me, why he was engaging, and whether I needed to protect myself.
Years ago, I would’ve brushed off that feeling. Maybe even laughed it off. But now, after years of personal therapy—and being a psychotherapist and psychosexual therapist myself—I see those instincts as wisdom. I choose who I allow into my life, into my space, and into my energy.
And that shift? It’s changed how I engage with sex and intimacy.
Where once I might’ve stayed quiet or not asked for what I needed, now I know I’m worthy of pleasure, protection, and partnership. I’m also learning that it’s not just about trusting others—it’s about trusting myself.
Building Trust in the Bedroom
Trust and protection aren’t just emotional buzzwords—they’re essential for sexual wellness. When we feel emotionally safe, we’re more open to:
- Expressing desires without shame
- Exploring fantasies with curiosity
- Saying yes with our full bodies
- Saying no without fear of judgement
- Feeling pleasure, not pressure
If we want true intimacy, we have to create environments where both people feel emotionally held—not just physically touched.
Final Thought: Who Makes You Feel Safe?
Whether it’s the people we date, sleep with, or share life with—safety and trust should never be optional. They’re the gateway to confident sexuality and genuine connection.
So ask yourself:
Do you feel protected in your relationships?
And if not… what would it look like to be?