I lost my friend, Tom, a few years ago and when I went to write this subject, all I could think about was Tom and their satin sheets. They slept in those black, shimmering sheets so peacefully every night. Yet, I could never sleep in them as they were always too hot! It made me think about sensory experiences and how we all have such different wants and needs.
Sometimes painting the scene with different textures will benefit our sexual experience, but sometimes it will not. Our senses are touch, smell, sight, sound and hearing, and we need to appeal to them all for a truly sensual experience. But, ask yourself, am I satisfying all these with my pleasure goals?
The beautiful chap I am currently enjoying partnered sex with does not have satin sheets; he has a big comfortable bed, which wraps itself around me. There are lashings of pillows to prop up his head whilst we partake in some oral joy. It’s a perfect sensory experience for me, as the cotton duvet cover stays cool, and it is large enough to wrap around my ‘problem areas’.
Of course, these areas don’t really exist. But society has indoctrinated me to believe that they do in my head. No matter what is going on in my head, he always plays music and lights candles to keep me feeling calm.
As a survivor of sexual abuse, a sensual, sensory experience for me isn’t just about the bed sheets, music and candlelight. Instead, it is about being able to practice mindfulness with a partner. It is about taking practices from my everyday life that help me calm my mind and using them while I’m with my partner. For example, I focus on his eyes and his breathing to keep me there. And, of course, I feel like he supports my sensory needs and doesn’t deprive them.
Sensory deprivation will occur if you do not communicate what your sensual needs are to your partner. Something as simple as turning off the lights during partnered sex may elevate the sense of physical intimacy for some. But for others, like me, it shuts off all the visuals required to help me enjoy a partnered sex experience.
I noticed last time I was enjoying some incredible partnered pleasure that my plug-in wand was too loud and I enjoy being serenaded by his moans and groans much more. Afterwards, I considered what I would bring with me for our next penetrative sex session. I quickly realised that a quieter toy would be the best way to enhance my pleasure.
It didn’t take long for me to find the perfect tools for the job! Compact and powerful toys like the Irohna Kushi or the Knude Society Gwen are the ideal choice to stimulate my sensual senses and handle my clitoral needs. And they have been helping me to achieve my sensual pleasure goals ever since!