Intimacy after an affair

It is a common issue which brings people to therapy, and it is something that can be worked through providing both people want to make it work and move on. This means that the partner that had the affair makes room for the partner that was cheated on to grieve their relationship because it must be looked at like a loss and you are now working together to move on, a fresh start. A good technique is putting a period aside when you can discuss the affair, as there will be questions. It is also important to remember that the partner that was cheated on will not trust you and if you want to work together you must make an allowance for this, they may want to know where you are and they may question what you are doing, you should understand this is a phase for rebuilding trust. Once the trust starts to build you will start to build the foundations of a new partnership and one that can be better than before perhaps with a better, open line of communication. 

If you consider your partner's perspective you may understand that intimacy will feel hard to start up again, whether it was still happening between you during the affair they will always be thinking they were not good enough or do you want something else?

During this period intimacy is likely not to be on the menu, and for many couples allow the space for that. It may well be a slow process to regain full intimacy again or your partner may be at risk of jumping in, experimenting, and pushing them self-outside of their own limits to please you which could impact your journey of a fresh start to. I think the key is, be kind to your partner, allow them space to grieve, withdraw and ultimately put their needs first for a period so you can slowly reshape your future together.